Consorting with Death
by crematosis
Summary: Tony expects to die a slow death adrift in space. But he doesn't expect the afterlife that awaits him.


Tony had been in hopeless situations before. He had survived assassination attempts, near-death experiences, battles, even Thanos.

But this…there was no coming back from this one.

He was adrift in space with no hope of rescue. Food and water had run out days ago and oxygen would run out in the morning.

He had exhausted all his options and there was just no time left. This was the end. All he could do now was record one final message for Pepper and lay down for the night. When he woke up in the morning, he'd be suffocating to death. If he was lucky, he wouldn't wake up at all.

But when he opened his eyes, he found himself in dark tunnel lit with glowing green stones embedded in the walls.

"Well, this is different," Tony muttered to himself as he looked around.

It was probably the best thing he could have hoped for his last dream ever. Something weird and surreal, but nonthreatening. He had been half-convinced it would all end with a nightmare.

He followed the tunnel until it opened up into a huge cavern. The green gems became torches that burned with green flame, illuminating a gothic bar that looked like it had been carved out of the black rock of the cave itself.

"Thanks a lot, subconscious," Tony huffed. This was a little more like what he had been expecting, his dying brain conjuring up his greatest flaws. Apparently they were going to start with alcohol abuse. Far be it from him to prove himself wrong. If his brain was going to remind him he was an alcoholic, by god, he was going to get drunk in this dream.

There was a single glass on top of the bar, swirling with bright green liquid. Tony picked it up and sniffed it. "Well. I've never been to a bar that served absinthe."

"We have a saying around here," a familiar voice purred in his ear. "Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder."

"Loki," Tony hissed. "What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here? I rule this realm. Welcome to Hel. That's with one l, mind you." He plucked the glass out of Tony's hand and with a flourish changed the fancy glass to a tumbler of scotch. "Would you like a drink?"

Tony folded his arms over his chest. "I want answers."

"Very well. You have unfortunately perished in space and your soul has been sent here to its final resting place. Since my dear sister, the goddess of death, vacated her throne in the pursuit of a fruitless attempt to take over Asgard and then all of the known universe as well, it has fallen to me, as a prince of Asgard, to rule in her stead." Loki spread his arms out wide. "Being king of Hel suits me, don't you think?"

"All the green makes a little more sense now," Tony said with a nod. "Gotta love dream logic."

"It's not a dream, Stark. You're dead." Loki reached out and pinched his arm. "You can't feel pain in a dream, can you?"

"You're not supposed to feel pain if you're dead," Tony shot back. He rubbed at his arm.

"What did you really expect? That you would spend the rest of your afterlife as a celestial beam of light?"

"Maybe fluffy wings and a harp if I was lucky and a pit of eternal suffering on the other hand."

"Come now, we all know you don't believe in that sort of thing."

"You're right. I didn't think there was anything after death."

"But here you are," Loki said with a broad smile. "Very few humans today believe in Hel. They all have their own ideas on what the afterlife looks like. But everyone eventually ends up here."

"About that. Where's all the rest of the dead people?"

Loki's smile faltered a little. "You don't want to see them."

"Yeah, I do. If there's no one here but me, I'm pretty sure you're just fucking with me and this is all one big illusion."

"Very well," Loki said. "But don't say I didn't warn you."

He snapped his fingers and Tony found himself jammed in between several people. If he wasn't already dead, he was sure he would have been suffocated to death. They were all screaming, shouting, and wailing, the misery almost more oppressive than the crush of bodies. Maybe he was in Hell after all.

Just when Tony thought he couldn't take it anymore, all the people vanished and Tony found himself alone with Loki once more in a tiny office space with a golden desk.

"You see what I'm dealing with?" Loki said as he threw himself into the desk chair. "For two glorious days, I ruled over a Hel anyone would be proud of. The dead had luxurious accommodations, all the food and libations they could ever desire, and room to engage in whatever peaceful pastime suited their fancy. But then you all failed to stop Thanos and suddenly my realm was flooded with more people than it could ever possibly hold. I expanded the realm with my magic as best I could, but even I have limitations down here. I simply can't keep up. And there are more dead every day. Not only the normal, expected deaths, but more fallout from Thanos' attack. The suicides have been the worst," Loki said with a grimace.

"So, the big empty cave was all an illusion."

"Yes," Loki admitted. "I just wanted a chance to speak with you before you were swallowed up in all this madness."

"Why?"

"I need your help."

Tony raised an eyebrow.

"The dead are restless. They know it isn't their time yet. They crave vengeance and a place back among the living. They'd be a formidable force in battle, but they need a leader. And that's where you come in."

"Me? Why me?"

"Captain Rogers still leads the Avengers. My army of the undead would fight beside him."

Tony swallowed down the urge to insist that he and Steve didn't get along anymore. Were petty squabbles really that important when the fate of the universe was at stake? "Alright, say I take charge of your zombie army and say we actually win against Thanos. What happens then? Everyone gets returned right where they were before the snap?"

Loki nodded. "They'll all die again eventually, but by then, my powers will have rejuvenated and I can make the space for them."

"And what about me?"

Loki looked at him sadly. "Unfortunately, since you weren't affected by the snap, I'm afraid you'll remain dead. But in honor of your service as Hel's general in battle, once it's all over, I will allow you to take your place beside me as king consort."

"I'm sorry, what? You want me to be your concubine?"

"I would not be averse to sharing my bed with you," Loki said with a smirk. "But the word is consort. You would rule at my side, adored and exalted among my people. Together, we can make Hel even better than it was under my sister's reign."

"Yeah, okay," Tony said. "I'll be your queen as long as sex is on the table."

"Agreed," Loki said with a grin. "I look forward to it."

He snapped his fingers and Tony found himself on a narrow ledge overlooking the giant crowd of people.

"Silence," Loki roared. Incredibly, the crowd quieted. "Tony Stark has agreed to lead you all into glorious battle and avenge your deaths."

Immediately, the cavern erupted in cheers and applause. Tony even thought he heard one young voice shout out, "Way to go, Mister Stark!"

"You see what I told you?" Loki murmured. "You will be exalted by all for your great courage."

"I'm not doing it for the praise," Tony said as he stared down at the crowd. He recognized a few faces smiling up at him. "I'm doing it for them."


End file.
